ok well. somthing came over me. i blame myself and this site for the way i am right now. before this i wasnt into the thing im into now. but im happy for the friend that was honest with me. brutally honest. but like they all say the truth hurts and yes it does but wat i was told tonight really gave me a slap in the face. i need someone to talk to me like he did and im glad he did cuz it made me realize wat kind of person i am. and i kno im not this person. so thanks to the person that said wat he said and made me realize wat i am and wat i am doing and who i am hurting. i needed someone to talk to me the way he did tonight. yes wat he said and how he said it hurt a lot but it was well needed and im glad he is my friend. love you jamie and thanks for making me open my eyes to see wat i am doing.

So my last few post have been about the same person. Well they have all been about the same person. So is this one. Im done wit you(you should know who you are) you keep hurting me and you dont even kno it and if you do you apparently dont care so i kno i have said it before but im saying it again and i mean it. I Am Done! i am tired of u hurting me and im not goin to let you do it anymore. I dont care how much love i still have for you your not hurting me ever again i wont let you

One of the worst things that could happen is happening by best friend who is also my ex that I still care a lot for is having s lot of troubles. He has a bad heart. If it dnt get better do that he van have surgery the doc. Only gave him three years. I kno he doesn't wnt me to cry thats y I had to force him to tell me wat happened to him recently. But that's all I can do is cry and think about wat could happen to him I think about the bad when ok need to be thinking about the good. Easier said than done tho. He is my best friend I talk to him all the time and since he has been in the hospital I cant and in sitting here going crazy cuz Idk Wats going on. I cant stand the fact that I could be w.out u one day but I never thought that day could be w. In the next three years. I really hope that everything goes well and nothing bad happenes to him and cant lose another friend I have lost 3 this past year I cant take another especially one like him someone I'm really close to and care about. Jst pls I need every thing to be ok. I cant have this happen again.

so...
its over for good i guess
i didnt think that an argument over somthing stupid would end us for good
god i love u so much you have absolutly no idea
i want u bak
i alread miss u
why cant u look past the fact that we cant see or touch each other
my i look past all that cuz i love you so very much
my love for you is more powerfull
i look past that fact
i wanted to marry you
i wanted to be w. you forever
you were my life
my heart
my soul
my world
i loved you w. all my heart
i feel like i have no point in life anymore
i lost you so there is no point for me anymore
why cant u look past that
god!
i hate u

i already feel bad
im trying to change for my own good and others as well
but after wat he said to made me feel so good
but after wat i read makes me go bak to how i already felt
he says he wants me as his wife and he loves me
but he is telling every one that he is single
i still love him but wat i did was good for the both of us

is there really love? or is it jst something that is said? i thought i found it but..i guess it was all a lie. i fell in love with what i thought was the greatest guy ever. i still think he is great. and i still love him. he was my life and my world i loved him with all my heart. he treated me right and said all of the right things to me. he protected me in all different was he mine "forever and always" but that didnt last forever. only one thing left to say...i will still love him.."forever and always" no matter wat.
*cries one single tear*